Delilah Knotty's Journal

Nearly One Year Ago

2008-07-07T19:41:00.000-07:00

Wow, what word can say, other than that! One year ago I almost published my last post.

I have been away for many reasons, life changing events. I am not quite at liberty to say why, but I apologize for not explaining,

Needless to say, Delilah is still alive and well in LA.

-xxx's

Hiatus Now Over

2007-07-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, that was a longer hiatus than I anticipated. Sorry to keep ya-all waiting, if indeed you were.

I mean who reads a blog every day, but I guess some do, whatever.

So I had a serious change in lifestyle, can't say what, but I have been very busy and accommodating my schedule to reflect the change. It has been trying, but what isn't, esp. good things.

But I wanted this, and after he choice was made, there is no turning back. As I see my past is good and bad, it has shaped me, molded me into who I am. I have very little to regret, except I wish I hadn't wasted so much time...and do I hate anyone or hold a grudge, no not really...

What am I saying??

Whatever...make a choice and live with it bub.

Be well....

-xxx's

Delilah

Busy Next Week

2007-06-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

From today on I am going to be a little reoccupied with a long term project, kind of kick start.

I will unlikely be blogging for maybe a week. I'll be back though and you too, promise me?

-xxx's

DK

Crossdressing Lifestyle

2007-06-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

Are you at all tired of hearing about my CD lifestyle? I wonder, boring? Well you know, this can be all encompassing and comprise a big portion of your life once you embrace it. Although, for me, it was precedent in my actions, it did not or I made sure, that it did not interferer with my concentration on my daily life. You see you cannot change without motivation and drive, simultaneously however. you must move on and Focus!

You see I found myself compelled to dress daily in femme-boy mode, but I still had to do my work, I had to be there on time, complete my assignments, be productive. I found this to be quite natural and didn't really require additional effort on my part. To me this make me feel comfortable and at ease. I am trying to convey this, because in the past when I was younger, I had let this desire interrupt the complete flow of my life, not good.

I guess I have matured quite a lot, that's my opinion. And maybe it is the realization that no matter what you want, don't let it take you over.

Where am I going? I am saying, this has been quite a natural transition. No interruptions to my original lifestyle, I am now just a kind of outwardly a femme-boy.

-xxx's

DK

Back in Boy-Mode for a Day.

2007-06-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

So I went back in to work in full out boy mode, that is no women's shoes, pants or blouse.

Well I can say I was extremely comfortable, the office has been running hot, the air unit and the onset of summer, so I was sweating it out over the last few days having a bra and camisole on. You have no idea how hot that can get!

I was wearing jeans and a light fabric REI shirt. Nice and breezy. But I think I confused my coworkers. They got used to me wearing the heels.

Well until they get that building back in order I am wearing light clothing, not that I can't do that in femme mode, short sleeve shirts just don't do me too much justice and it is hard to coordinate with pants. And having a bra and camisole on, kind of defeats the propose.

Besides I like my French Cuffs.

-xxx's

DK

Red heels were a hit.

2007-06-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, those new red heels were a hit, they look great. I need to accessorize more, esp. in the shoes department. I can see why so many genetics have various heels, colors and types. It was fun to vary from the black heels.

But I'll wait on the shopping spree, I have other things in mind.

I will say, now that my upper legs got use to the heels, the calves really felt it with these little Dorothy gems. The heel height is 3 and 1/4 inch, I guess that 1/4 made the difference!?

-xxx's

DK

Red High Heels to Work

2007-06-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

Okay I am on a theme here, my high heels I wear to work while in boy-femme mode. I have been wearing black heels, very nice and professional, but I found these heels online an got them. Wow they look snazzy and sharp. They are a wine red, with an alligator faux print and are most of all-shinny.

I love shinny shoes. Then I wore my favorite white knee high's with my Ann Taylor stripped pants and a form fitting stretchy red shirt to match.

The shoes were so out there, however, you get noticed, I tell ya. The trick is confidence, wear them as if it is totally natural you whole life, and second do not look anyone in the eye unless you need too. We'll talk about this little tid bit later.

Let's enjoy the red shinny shoes and white socks.

High Heels at Work..continued experience

2007-06-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

I know, I keep discussing my heels at work. Wearing them regularly has been a big deal to me, crossing of a threshold. Next big step is wearing a skirt-this thought paralyzes me with happiness, one-day.

Well the heels are good enough.

I was walking around quite frequently yesterday, I had to bind my final report for sending it out in the mail-we have no admin help at-all, and my feet began to ache, really the toes. They felt squished. I took my shoes off at my desk afterwards to let them relax. Funny thing you could clearly see my socks I was wearing were very sheer-like hose. White too-my favorite.

I caught many persons, women and men alike looking down at my feet when they came by to talk. They seem to just acknowledge that yes, I am wearing women's clothing including the sheer knee highs. No big deal, but it is quite the experience to watch and interpret my coworkers expressions.

Well that's the experience of wearing high heels to work, they are pretty any all, make plenty of noise, accentuate your posture, but can cause some ache too!

-xxx's

Delilah

Some Perspective

2007-06-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

Okay now to give you a real perspective of my daywalking, that is my Tg/CD lifestyle, I took some photos of my heals I wear to work.

As a reminder, I am still in boy mode, but am very femm too. However, I show my true colors and proclivity or being female. The only real difference is that I don't wear a lot of make up to my day-job as do on the weekends when I am Delilah.

I like this, I can still be femm and not be overly concerned about the make up, besides, they seem to accept me just as I am now. Since I dress professionally, it's all okay. My shoes are not spiky-4inchers, they are smart and conservative, but a little stylish.

The point is, I walk freely at work inside the office building, in the hallways, and the outside fourier with my little business suits and heels, clicking away too and fro. Now if it isn't the pearls, then it is these nice black shinny heels that give me away. My coworkers don't care, my boss never has said a word; I do good work, I am overly qualified, and so hey, I have mastered my domain, so I have taken advantage. You know what though, this is Los Angeles, in fact the San Fernando Valley. Do you realize I am not the only T-girl? My cowrokers know this, I know this!

And please note my signature, white knee high, sheer hose/socks and the black high heel shoes. I love this. It is bit eighties, but it is my style. OMG I am so happy I can do this.

Well off to the day job.

-xxx's

Delilah

Policing What to Wear in US

2007-06-19T06:51:00.001-07:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6757527.stm

Here is an interesting article I just read on-line, policing what to wear in the US, well really, Louisiana. In a small forgotten hole in the world, a town called Delcambre decided to pass a law fining those wearing baggy pants that show your underwear. I guess it is offensive.

In this day and age and in the United States, we still have idiotic councils attempting to dictate the moral of our attire. Whatever.

This is really stupid and annoying. What a waste of time, it is no wonder a State like Louisiana sucks ass so bad.

This is why I live here in beautiful LA. It's sunny here all the time for one, warm, and we are so busy moving and making our lives go, we do not concern ourselves of what others are wearing.

I can just imagine if I walked into this back-ass ward, forgotten place. They probably see the T-girl and have a hart-attack. That would be super fun, but I better run in flats, cause my 3-inch heels won't cut it.

Well!!

-xxx's

Delilah K.

The Prestige

2007-06-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

I was watching The Prestige last, BTW: good flick, and I noticed my girl Charlotte Johansen was in it. She is so pretty, if I was a genetic girl, I would be white, and I would be her. She has beautiful skin, lovely figure, great-feminine and deep voice. Awesome.

When I think of her in the movie I just want to dress-up all the way and be a total girl full time. It is her ultimate femininity that draws me. I think she is so attractive I want to emulate her, not be-her, but be what she represents to me. How is this, am I a girl inside or is this just fascination?

The answer is, I am a girl inside, I just want to be as attractive as the most feminine women I see.

-xxx's

Delilah K

HD Filming

2007-06-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

I am switching to shooting Video in HD. Upon glance, the video is very clear and sharp, the colors too are noticeably deeper, more saturated, and bright.

The difference is very pleasing to the eye.

The draw backs, my older version of Final Cur Pro (2 years) doesn't recognize my camera, however, the iMovie HD does. So I have to use this to capture the video clip. Then I need to transfer it back to Final Cut for compressing to the web, because iM is designed for DVD burning. I could use QuickTime Pro, but why should I when it is embedded into Final Cut?

Now here is the time lag. The video is very big size, 10 Gigs. However, I only have 2.1/2 Gigs of RAM in my G5, so the real time rendering doesn't happen as it did with just straight up DV. I have to render it first, that's 15 minutes. Thereafter, too keep the resolution as best as possible, I am using the new QuicKTime code H.264 with second a pass encoding, in the past it has been done by using Sorensen 3 codecs. I did a one minute practice run, it took me 15 minutes.

I am trying a 7 minute clip and looks like an hour plus. Still running. Good thing I have house chores to do.

I tried this codec when DK first went online, however, at the time, most people couldn't download QuickTime 7 except Mac users, like me. Now QT7 is more common and is the standard for compressing for the web.

This is taking time, over an hour. Maybe I should up my RAM to 6 Gigs and or go back to Sorensen. I will practice with this clip and see what works best.

-xxx's

DK

Femm Wardrobe

2007-06-16T10:16:00.001-07:00

I have a limited wardrobe of my feminine attire that I wear to work daily now. Nothing spectacular, just something I have started to build-up since I decided this last year that I was going as CD at work full-time. Some of my Delilah clothes like skirts and stuff I have not yet ventured to wear-yet, mind-you.

I have maybe 8 or so blouses and various pants, and about four complete pant suits, a matching pant and jacket set.

I need more because women vary there clothes so much, but when I am getting ready in the morning I like to just get my clothes on rather quickly and go. I am so busy. Who wants to decide if the white blouse with stripes or the blue blouse should go with the black pants.

It's fun and all. I have a method though, I went and got three pants of the same style and cut and three stretchy cotton blouses; black, blue, and red with the same style and cut too. It makes life easy on those mornings when I am really in rush and need to jam.

And then my heels, black that's it. I got some new ones with a faux alligator patent leather, cute over all, but I am killing them wearing them daily, boring!

Well it's gonna be boring for awhile, until I get more used to this femm lifestyle...besides I want to improve my videos for the Site first...go HD!

-xxx's

DK

Is it weird that I get excited over my Photos?

2007-06-16T09:58:00.001-07:00

My photos on Delilah Knotty get me so excited sometimes. I see the outcome of the work, and I want to go and hide in my bedroom and do naughty things.

Oh my. The sets that Sandra and I did for June uploads were so cute.

I love the school girl look, what a hot fantasy. How many of you bondage crossdresser enthuisasts enjoy it too?

I think I may try a little more fantasy role-playing bondage shots in the next few months.

-xxx's

DK

Crossdressing with Pride

2007-06-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

Being an outward crossdresser in my daily life should be done with pride, that's what I believe.

In this place called Los Angeles, it is our freedom and right to be self expressive. It is who we are and what defines us. I see that as a crossdresser I am gawked at, ignored, or get feelings of animosity from others; it's nerve racking I admit, I am not made out of steel. But I feel it is my right to be ultimately what I want.

Who defines what a woman should be and man? Society, I understand this of-course, we all move in fashion that is socially acceptable. This is human behavior at it's roots, from animals to us, social behavior is hardwired in our genes.

However, there is no reason why these cannot be challenged. I feel as the transgendered self, that I should be able to express myself as a feminine male. I wear my high heels now, women's pants, blouses and bra, etc. Outwardly I am expressing myself as a female, yet my anatomy indicates otherwise.

So what! I am free to be who I am and what I want. As a feminine male at work, well then, so be it.

Self expression should be done with pride, as a crossdresser or chick with a Mohawk, yes there is woman by my day job that I see with a Mohawk and rides a pink Beach Cruiser to work. See that is self expression at it's best. Even I stared at her, but at the same time, I nodded my head in agreement and happiness.

That is why I who I am, because we are all in a struggle to express oneself, we should then do our part, and make that one step to introduce us a crossdressing/transgendered community to the world at large, even if is just in this small city called Los Angeles.

-xxx's

Delilah K.

White Socks and Black High Heels

2007-06-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

Ever you ever noticed in my photos that I frequently wear white stockings with black high heels. It is my favorite combination of women's wear, it has been my individual and distinct fetish since I was a teen.

Yesterday in my work attire, I wore white socks, more like sheer knee high socks with my black shinny high heels. I loved this so much. You can't not notice this combo.

With my black Ann Taylor slacks with nice fine strips running down the pant leg, my black silk blouse with a white collar and white french cuffs, and of-course my white pearl necklace and matching earrings, I was so feminine.

I felt really.. really good and confident yesterday.

This is feeling really nice and natural.

-xxx's

Delilah

The High Heels from my Crossdressing Lifestyle

2007-06-13T06:07:00.000-07:00

My quads, those muscles right above my knee are beginning to relax from wearing my high heels to work while in my crossdressing lifestyle. I had not anticipated this at all! I came to realize about a few days within wearing my heels consistently, that my quads seemed to be tension and were sometimes sore?

It was my high heels. Most might think it is your calves that might be feel this, they after all, look like they are in tension too, but not really. I think of all else, my ankles felt it more than the calves.

Balance is the key to wearing my high heels.

While standing up, my ankles feel the pressure to sheer to a side, that puts pressure on them. You need to maintain balance as you stand up even in the chunky heels, like mine. Please don't get fooled, I am professional, I dress professional and wear professional smart heels with business suits. I have to look good, proper and appropriate. But at least my high heels are three inches high.

Then standing straight, that I think tests my quads. Even while sitting, my toes are higher than my heels. That is when I am sitting straight with my knees together. Then my quads feel a little tight, or used too as well.

If I cross my legs, it gives some relief, but that can stress the foot on the ground, kind of sheers it too, caused by the imbalance of the heel on the ground and in long term a little harder to maintain. But that is how women sit isn't it? I have to be proper lady.

This girly deal is surprising me all the time.

It's tough-but hey now, I am wearing high heels to work and crossdressing, need I say more?

-xxx's

Delilah K.

Wrong side of the bed.

2007-06-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

I have decided sometime in the middle of Saturday night to sleep with head and locks at the end of the bed, not the head of the bed.

It is comfortable. I guess I need to rotate my mattress.

The weirdest thing though, I woke up on these last few days, not really knowing which way to get out of bed for the door or even more dramatically, where I am even at-like this morning. I thought I was in a hotel room.

I guess you can see, now I am sleeping 180 degrees opposite than previously, so now my left side faces the door instead of my right. I naturally move to my right and find the window. Being super sleepy, it's hard to reason it out.

Now the hotel room, that's odd, twice now I have felt this.

Try it out sometime, it is kind of fun.

-xxx's

DK

Price to Pay as a T-girl.

2007-06-10T08:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was getting dressed-up, actually kind of dressy for a Saturday, and was buttoning my blouse and my French Cuffs. The cuffs are really a nice touch to my blouses, they accentuate the feminine nature of the blouse, but I say, what's-Up with the buttons?

They can be sooooo difficult to put through 4 holes, jez! Because you take out the buttons for dry cleaning, then put them back on. You have to thread them through the shirt and through the cuff links, that's four, blah.

OMG, then if you loose them or they become unthreaded in the middle of the day, you are in trouble.

Humm?? The price you have to pay to be a T-girl.

-xxx's

Delilah

Special Autonomy?

2007-06-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

So I was speaking of having some autonomy yesterday, however, to my surprise I came to realize that as I said I stair at women's beauty and hair cuts, I wanted my privacy? What makes me so special?

As this full time fem-boy during my day job and Delilah on the weekends, I drive attention o myself being a stand-out from the everyday crowd. Now I am not implying I get stopped and asked out, but in the last year since I have embraced my fem lifestyle, I get hit on frequently by men, stared at by people, and ignored or recieve semi-hostile looks and postures by the genetics myway.

This is not easy being a fem-boy.

The men are gay for sure, the ones that are not, are certainly confused. The heterosexual men think at first glance I am a real girl, but soon they see I am one of those. I think it is the heels. Some men are programed to find the sound of heels, then to their surprise I am not that genetic.

As for the hostile women, they certainly despise me. They hate my emulation of them, in particular the dressy ones. They see what I am trying to be and on a deep level they understand I adore there femininity and objectify, so I emulate. They seem to dislike this.

Then the general public for the most part is okay, but who cares-I dismiss them, this is my life, my choice, my self-expression. I think they understand too. We all have our daily lives.

I may have summed up those three recognizable elements here, but I must be aware of that other element that is hard to readily identify, but could be truly dangerous.

Because I am not fitting the man-women norm, I shouldn't be persecuted, but you know as I, this is not they way it is.

-xxx's

DK

Hair Bangs...

2007-06-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

Well I am unsure who invented the name for those short hair pieces around your forehead called bangs, but ever since Sandra from Trannies in Trouble said I should get bangs a year or so back, I have been obsessed.

I notice the bangs on women's hair style all the time. I search for the perfect cut, the length of the bangs, how much, if they are striaght across or angle downward.

So I eventually got some bangs cut. I started long with just a few. Now I have evolved to nearly full bangs or super bangs across my forehead. Truly I have a fem hair style, long hair, with layers in the front which terminate with a nice row of front bangs.

The bangs are slightly below my eye, almost mid level. I guess I am reaching that event horizon, bangs right at the eye brow. I am closing in, I just need to get use this now.

My first thought, I love them. But I admit it's nerve-racking to do all this fem stuff. I feel as if people notice and stair at me. I want my autonomy! Ahhhh.

-xxx's

Delilah

The Comfort of Wearing a Bra

2007-06-07T06:14:00.000-07:00

I have found that it is very comfortable wearing a bra. I know that it may be unnatural because I am not a genetic, but as transgendered self, it is a reassuring feeling that I am embracing my femininity.

I guess there are a few elements that women distinctly wear or show that are quite different than men.

One is wearing a bra.
The second is heels.
Wearing a skirt.
and jewelry, make up and general self-adornment (hair, nails, etc.)

I have not yet ventured to my day job in a skirt, though it is my goal and dream. I do wear my heels and pant suits, my women's underwear-knee high socks, and have long nails and hair. I have embraced my femininity and it feels it good to be daily. Though I feel a bit alone in this. Not may of us out here.

I am reassured when I see a transgendered female or butch female because honestly I see more of them than us.

Okay now off to work in my business attire.

-xxx's

So Sleepy Today

2007-06-06T07:23:00.000-07:00

I am so sleepy today. I am out of coffee for one, that's bad.

And last night my alrming kept tripping...I went to be late on top of this.

OMG...

Antarctica

2007-06-05T06:49:00.001-07:00

Antarctica, the worlds largest most contiguous sheet of continental Ice is bigger than twice the size of Australia or the United States and Mexico combined!

The ice sheets are an average thickness of one mile, with some areas as thick as three miles!

The amount of fresh water locked into the ice sheets is enormous, more than one may be able to fathom. Approximately 1 cubic mile of water is what is consumed in Los Angeles per year, while approximately 26 cubic miles of water is what has been estimated to be released per year in recent times.

The rate of glacial melting is so alarming in that the world will change forever if even one significant sheet is lost.

It is perhaps too late to stop this process. The geologic record doesn't show herself readily, but several lines of evidence suggest the sheet has not been lost since the Miocene Age-25 Million years ago. To find now that it is melting, after 25 million years, is crazy.

Is this natural variability, not likely.

-xxx's

DK

Blue Ray Technology

2007-06-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

I am all for new technology to come along to change how we do our daily work. From new faster and more efficient computer chips, to advanced LCD high resolutions screens, and now the new DVD burning formats, namely mentioned here-the Blue Ray (see Wikipedia).

Blue Ray, invented something like 10 years ago, was done by accident as I heard, and was found to be a highly effective way of storing data. Utilizing the short wave Blue Ray, the technology is touted that one Blue-Ray disc can hold up to 25 G, that's five times the current DVD format. Perfect for HD storage.

Now that's where I like it, encoding and storage of HD and other data storage intensive formats.

But do I need to restart my DVD collection in Blue-Ray? I mean, you need all kinds of stuff to even see the difference. Right now, the flat panels are only now taking off, not to mention most sold are not the 1080i (interlaced) which allows for HD viewing at the full scale viewing.

To get the full pleasure for viewing you need: a flat panel 1080i TV, a HD DVD Player, and a HDMI cable-this alone is $100! All in all, minus the $30 buckos per HD DVD Blue Ray-blah, I think that sounds like 2,000 dollars.

Sounds expensive to watch a movie now a days.

-xxx's

DK